17 Huge Red Flags You Should Never Ignore On A First Date

Hey girl, let’s talk about something we’ve all been through, those first dates that make you want to fake a family emergency and bolt for the door! :/

As a relationship coach with over seven years of helping couples navigate the dating world, I’ve heard every horror story imaginable.

Trust me, I’ve been there too, sitting across from someone wondering if they’re “the one” or if I should start planning my escape route.

Look, first dates can be nerve-wracking for everyone. But here’s the thing, while butterflies are normal, major red flags shouldn’t be ignored just because you’re hopeful about finding love.

Your gut instincts exist for a reason, and after years of therapy training and real-world experience, I’ve learned that these warning signs rarely lie.

So grab your coffee (no judgment here!), and let’s dive into the 17 biggest red flags that should have you running faster than you can say “check, please!”

1. Rudeness or Disrespect

This one’s a deal-breaker, no exceptions.

I once had a client tell me about a date who snapped his fingers at the waitress like she was his personal servant. Yikes! How someone treats service workers, strangers, or anyone they perceive as “beneath” them tells you everything about their character.

Here’s what I always tell my clients: A person who’s rude to others will eventually be rude to you. It’s not a matter of if, but when.

Sure, they might be on their best behavior with you right now because they’re trying to impress you, but once the honeymoon phase wears off? That mask comes right off.

Watch how they interact with:

• Waitstaff and bartenders
• Uber drivers or taxi drivers
• Store employees
• Even random people on the street

If they’re dismissive, condescending, or just plain mean, that’s your cue to wrap up the evening early.

2. Excessive Phone Use

Nothing says “you’re not important” like someone scrolling through Instagram while you’re mid-sentence.

I get it, we’re all attached to our phones these days. But come on, a first date should be phone-free time! If they’re constantly checking notifications, taking calls, or worse, taking selfies for their social media, they’re showing you exactly where their priorities lie.

I had one client whose date literally answered a work call during dinner and talked for fifteen minutes. Fifteen! She sat there like a decoration while he discussed quarterly reports. Needless to say, there was no second date.

Your time is valuable. Don’t let someone treat it like background noise to their digital life.

3. Constant Talk About Exes

Oh honey, this one makes me cringe every time!

If your date can’t get through appetizers without mentioning their ex three times, Houston, we have a problem. Look, I understand that past relationships shape us, and it’s normal to reference them occasionally.

But when someone’s constantly comparing you to their ex, talking about what went wrong, or worse, what they miss about them, they’re not ready to date.

Red flag phrases to watch for:

• “My ex used to love this place”
• “You remind me of my ex, but in a good way” (still weird!)
• “My ex never understood me like you do” (after one date? Really?)

Trust me, you don’t want to be someone’s rebound or emotional placeholder while they work through their baggage.

4. Inappropriate Comments or Jokes

There’s a difference between being funny and being offensive.

I’ve heard stories that would make your jaw drop. Dates making racist jokes, sexual comments that cross that’s just plain cruel. If someone thinks making you uncomfortable is hilarious, that’s not someone you want in your life.

A good partner will read the room and respect your boundaries. They won’t push you to laugh at things that make you squirm or dismiss your discomfort with “it’s just a joke!”

Your comfort zone matters, and anyone worth dating will respect it.

5. Overindulgence in Alcohol

One drink to calm the nerves? Totally normal. Five drinks before the main course? Red flag city.

I’m not talking about someone who has a couple of drinks and gets a little giggly, that can actually be pretty cute!

But if they’re slurring their words, being inappropriate, or clearly using alcohol as a crutch to get through the date, that’s concerning.

This behavior often points to bigger issues:

• Poor impulse control
• Possible addiction problems
• Inability to handle social situations sober
• Lack of respect for the date (and for you)

You want someone who can be their authentic self without liquid courage.

6. Lack of Interest in Your Life

A conversation should feel like a tennis match, not a one-person monologue.

Ever been on a date where you felt like you were interviewing someone for a job? They talk endlessly about themselves but never ask about your interests, your work, your dreams, or even basic stuff like your hobbies?

I always tell my clients: Pay attention to the question-to-statement ratio. Healthy conversations involve curiosity about each other.

If someone’s not interested in getting to know you on the first date, when they should be most curious, they’re probably not going to develop that interest later.

You’re not an audience for someone else’s one-man show. You’re a whole person with interesting thoughts and experiences worth exploring.

7. Poor Hygiene

Okay, this one’s a bit awkward to talk about, but we’re all adults here!

I’m not expecting anyone to look like they stepped off a magazine cover, but basic hygiene is non-negotiable.

If someone shows up looking like they just rolled out of bed (and not in a cute, intentional way), with body odor, or clearly hasn’t bothered with basic grooming, what does that say about how much they value this date?

First impressions matter, and while we shouldn’t judge people solely on appearance, personal care shows self-respect and consideration for others.

8. Bad Manners

Table manners might seem old-fashioned, but they reveal a lot about someone.

I once heard about a date where the guy chewed with his mouth open so loudly that other diners were staring. The poor woman was mortified! While we don’t need Emily Post-level etiquette, basic social skills matter.

This includes:

• Not interrupting constantly
• Saying please and thank you
• Not talking with their mouth full
• Being considerate of shared spaces

These might seem like small things, but they add up to show whether someone’s considerate and socially aware.

9. Aggressive Behavior

This is non-negotiable territory, ladies.

Any sign of aggression, and I mean ANY, should end the date immediately. This includes:

• Raised voices or yelling
• Aggressive body language
• Road rage on the way to dinner
• Getting confrontational with other people
• Making you feel intimidated or unsafe

I don’t care how charming they are otherwise. Aggression is a pattern that rarely gets better without serious intervention. Your safety is worth more than any potential relationship.

Trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is.

10. Being Overly Critical

Nobody wants to date a human rain cloud.

Some people think being critical makes them seem sophisticated or discerning. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t! If your date spends the evening picking apart the restaurant, criticizing other people’s appearance, or finding fault with everything around them, imagine what that negativity would be like daily.

I had a client whose date criticized her outfit, the music, the food, and even the way she held her fork. Girl, that’s not constructive feedback, that’s someone who enjoys making others feel small.

Look for someone who builds you up, not tears everything down.

11. Avoiding Personal Questions

There’s a difference between being appropriately private on a first date and being evasive about basic information. If someone won’t tell you what they do for work, where they’re from, or dodges every personal question, what are they hiding?

I’m not saying they need to share their deepest traumas over appetizers, but basic getting-to-know-you questions shouldn’t feel like pulling teeth. Open communication starts from day one.

12. Inconsistency in Stories

Keep track of the details, they matter more than you think.

If someone tells you they’re a teacher but later mentions their “office job,” or says they love hiking but then complains about walking two blocks to the restaurant, pay attention. Small inconsistencies might be nerves, but bigger ones could signal dishonesty.

I’ve seen too many relationships built on lies crumble later. Authenticity from the start saves everyone heartache.

13. Pressuring for Physical Intimacy

A big, fat, neon red flag with sirens attached.

Whether it’s pushing for a kiss, trying to get you back to their place, or making you feel guilty for having boundaries, this behavior is completely unacceptable. A respectful person will follow your lead and never make you feel pressured.

Your boundaries aren’t suggestions, they’re requirements. Anyone who doesn’t respect them doesn’t deserve your time.

14. Being Overly Negative

Life’s too short to date Eeyore.

We all have bad days, but if someone spends the entire date complaining about everything, their job, their ex, their family, the weather, the traffic, it’s exhausting. Constant negativity is like an emotional vampire that drains your energy.

Look for someone who can find joy and positivity even in small things. That optimism will enrich your life instead of depleting it.

15. Lack of Communication Skills

Good relationships are built on good communication.

If someone can’t express their thoughts clearly, interrupts constantly, or shuts down when you try to have a deeper conversation, how will you handle conflicts later? Communication skills are learnable, but only if someone wants to learn.

Watch for:

• Inability to listen actively
• Talking over you repeatedly
• Shutting down when topics get slightly serious
• Difficulty expressing emotions or thoughts

16. Treating Service Staff Poorly

Yes, this is so important it gets mentioned twice!

I cannot stress this enough, how someone treats people in service positions is a crystal ball into their character. If they’re rude to the waiter, dismissive to the hostess, or impatient with anyone trying to help them, that’s exactly how they’ll treat you when the honeymoon phase ends.

Kindness isn’t conditional based on someone’s job or social status.

17. Ignoring or Belittling Your Opinions

Your thoughts and feelings matter, full stop.

If you mention you love a certain movie and they respond with “that’s stupid,” or if they dismiss your career goals as “unrealistic,” they’re showing you they don’t value your perspective. Healthy relationships involve mutual respect for each other’s thoughts and feelings.

You want a partner, not a critic.

Final Thoughts

Look, I know dating can feel like a jungle sometimes. After seven years of helping couples work through relationship challenges, I’ve learned that the signs are usually there from the beginning, we just choose to ignore them because we want love so badly.

But here’s what I want you to remember: You deserve someone who makes you feel valued, respected, and genuinely excited about the future. Don’t settle for less because you’re afraid of being alone or because you think you can “fix” someone.

Trust those red flags. They’re not being dramatic, they’re being protective. Your future self will thank you for paying attention to them now.