10 Secret Things Every Guy Loves In Bed But Won’t Ask For

Listen, this isn’t for women who’d rather stay stuck in their comfort zone and pretend everything’s fine when it’s not. If that’s you, maybe save this for later when you’re ready to shake things up. Still here? Good, because we’re about to get real about what your man actually wants but feels too awkward to say out loud.

After working with couples for over seven years as a marriage and family therapist, I’ve heard it all. And trust me, there’s this invisible wall between what guys want in bed and what they’ll actually ask for. It’s like they’re standing on one side holding a sign that says “please do this” but they’re too scared to show it to you.

Here’s the thing: you don’t need a perfect body, fancy lingerie, or some secret moves from an adult film to blow his mind.

What you need is understanding, confidence, and the willingness to step outside what feels “normal.” Your greatest asset isn’t your curves or your face (though I’m sure both are gorgeous). It’s your brain and your willingness to understand what makes him tick.

So why am I writing this? Because I want you to realize you’ve got superpowers you haven’t even tapped into yet. Regardless of your age, body type, or experience level, you can give your man exactly what he craves. Ready to find out what that is? Let’s get into it.

Things Guys Like In Bed But Won’t Ask For

These aren’t your typical “wear red lipstick” tips. These are the real, unfiltered things guys wish you knew but are too nervous to bring up. Let’s break down what actually goes through his mind when the lights go down.

1. Be Real

Okay, random question: if you could give his joystick a nickname, what would it be? Don’t laugh, I’m serious! There’s something playful and intimate about having your own private language in the bedroom. It breaks down walls and makes everything feel less… clinical.

Here’s what most people don’t get: men are actually pretty guarded when it comes to intimacy. Yeah, I know that sounds backwards, but it’s true. They worry about performance, about whether you’re actually enjoying yourself, about accidentally doing something wrong. All that protective armor they wear during the day? It doesn’t just disappear when clothes come off.

Most guys experience intimacy in a pretty limited way. It starts and ends with one body part, and rarely extends beyond that. There’s this whole fear factor around other sensitive areas because, let’s be honest, nobody wants anything rough handled down there. The sensitivity around the p#rineum, the worry about their t#sticles, it all creates this “don’t touch me there” attitude.

But here’s where you come in: when you’re genuine, when you show real appreciation for his body (yes, all of it), when you make it clear you actually want him and aren’t just going through the motions? That changes everything. He relaxes. The walls come down. And suddenly you’re both having a way better time.

Stop treating it like a choreographed dance you memorized from some magazine. Get curious. Pay attention to what makes him react. And for heaven’s sake, let him see that you’re actually into this. Authenticity is ridiculously attractive.

2. Catch Up Before Making Love

Let me guess: you both run in different directions all day, barely text except for “what’s for dinner,” and then expect fireworks the moment you hit the bedroom? Yeah, that’s not how this works.

Your foreplay doesn’t start when you get into bed. It starts in your mind, hours before. Think about this: when was the last time you sent him a flirty text during your lunch break? When did you last touch his arm while passing in the kitchen and let it linger just a second longer than necessary?

I had a client, let’s call him Drey, who wrote to me completely frustrated. He and his girlfriend were both career-focused, living together but barely connecting. They tried scheduling int#rcourse like it was a dentist appointment, and surprise surprise, it felt exactly that clinical and unsexy. She wasn’t interested anymore, and he was climbing the walls.

Here’s the problem: when you schedule intimacy like a task on your to-do list (right between “grocery shopping” and “call mom”), you strip away everything that makes it exciting. It becomes a performance, a checkbox, another obligation in your already overwhelming life.

The solution isn’t more or less int#rcourse. It’s about feeding the connection between you throughout the day. Are you staying emotionally connected even when you’re not physically together? Are you keeping those coals burning with small gestures, inside jokes, meaningful glances?

Intimacy isn’t just physical. It’s mental and emotional too. When you catch up with each other, actually talk about your days, share your thoughts and feelings, you’re building arousal without even realizing it. By the time you get to the bedroom, you’re already halfway there. That’s one of those things guys find irresistible in bed, even though it doesn’t technically happen in bed at all.

3. Make Foreplay Come Alive

We need to clear something up right now: arousal and desire aren’t the same thing. Mind blown? Let me explain.

Most people think foreplay is just the physical stuff that happens right before int#rcourse. A few kisses here, some touching there, maybe some mechanical stroking, and boom, everyone’s ready to go. Wrong. That’s not foreplay, that’s just going through the motions.

Real foreplay is mental. It’s the anticipation, the build-up, the connection you’ve been creating all day (see point #2). All that kissing, touching, str#pping, nibbling, teasing? That’s great, but it only works when there’s genuine connection behind it.

Here’s something that might surprise you: foreplay doesn’t always have to lead to int#rcourse. Seriously! Remember being a teenager when just making out with someone you liked was thrilling enough to risk sneaking out past curfew? That electric feeling of possibility? That’s what we’re talking about.

When you decouple foreplay from the expectation that it must lead somewhere specific, something magical happens. The pressure disappears. You can actually enjoy the journey instead of rushing toward a destination. And ironically, when you stop making it about the end goal, the whole experience becomes way more satisfying for both of you.

Stop treating foreplay like a required warm-up exercise. Make it playful. Make it fun. Make it something you both actually want to do, not something you’re doing to get to the “real thing.” Because guess what? It is the real thing.

4. Take The Lead Sometimes

Society loves to put everyone in neat little boxes. The man initiates, the woman responds. He’s in charge in the bedroom, you’re in charge in the kitchen. Yawn. Can we please retire these outdated scripts?

Here’s a secret that guys won’t tell you: they absolutely love when you take control sometimes. Like, really love it. It’s one of those things guys like in bed but won’t ask for because they don’t want to seem less masculine or whatever nonsense society has fed them.

Think about it from his perspective. He’s always expected to make the first move, read your mind about what you want, perform like some kind of bedroom athlete, and somehow magically know what you’re in the mood for. That’s exhausting! Sometimes he just wants to lie back and have you show him exactly what you want.

So roll on top of him. Grind on him. Pin his hands down. Whisper in his ear exactly what you’re about to do to him. He’s your stage for the night, and you can choreograph whatever show you want. Don’t be shy about it either. Confidence is incredibly attractive.

When you initiate, you’re telling him “I want you” in the clearest possible way. There’s no guessing, no wondering if you’re just going along with it to make him happy. You’re making it crystal clear that you desire him, and that knowledge? That’s better than any technique you could learn.

Want to know what a man wants in a woman in bed? Someone who isn’t afraid to take what she wants. Someone who sees him as irresistible and shows it. Give him that, and I promise you’ll blow his mind.

5. Can You Go To The Extreme Sometimes?

I once read about this exercise where a coach had men close their eyes and imagine skydiving. While they were “falling,” they were supposed to shout out whatever came to mind. The results? Let’s just say they got very honest about their fantasies very quickly. 🙂

One guy yelled “I want to make love right now!” Another shouted something about sp#nking. The point of the exercise was to bypass the filter that normally stops men from expressing what they really want. And boy, did it work.

Here’s the thing: your man has fantasies. Some of them might surprise you. Some might even shock you a little. But he’s probably never going to bring them up because he’s worried about how you’ll react. Will you think he’s weird? Perverted? Will you judge him?

Now, I’m not saying you need to be down for absolutely anything. Boundaries are important, and you should never do something that genuinely makes you uncomfortable. But are you willing to at least have the conversation? To hear him out without immediately shutting him down?

That same coach compiled a list of “jump statements” from his male clients. Here’s what came up:

• “I want to sp#nk your b#tt.”
• “I want to tie you up in bed.”
• “I want you to tie me up too.”
• “I want to watch you touch yourself.”
• “I want to make love in public.”
• “I want you to go down on me more often.”
• “I want to have a thr##some.”
• “I want you to wear cute ling#rie.”
• “I want to make you c#m with my tongue.”
• “I want to watch you get it on with another girl or guy.”
• “I want you to talk d#rty.”
• “I want to take photos of you n#ked.”

Surprised? This is what actually goes through men’s heads sometimes. Not all men want all these things, obviously, but these desires are way more common than you might think.

How far are you willing to go? Again, you’re completely free to say no to anything that doesn’t feel right. But maybe there’s something on that list that makes you a little curious? Something you’d be willing to try once just to see?

Stepping outside your comfort zone doesn’t mean jumping off a cliff. It means taking small steps toward the edge and seeing how it feels. Maybe you start with something simple like wearing something special under your regular clothes. Maybe you experiment with talking a bit more during intimacy. Baby steps still get you somewhere new.

6. Don’t Be Passive, Participate

You know what’s a total mood killer? Feeling like you’re making love to a mannequin. Just lying there, not moving, not reacting, not doing anything? That’s not intimacy, that’s just… weird.

Participation doesn’t mean you need to perform gymnastics or suddenly become someone you’re not. It means being present, engaged, and actively involved in what’s happening. Move your body. Touch him back. Show him you’re enjoying yourself.

Think about it like this: if you were having a conversation with someone and they just stared at you blankly without responding, you’d feel pretty uncomfortable, right? Physical intimacy is a conversation too. It requires both people to participate for it to be any good.

Guys want to feel like you’re into it, not just tolerating it. They want to know that you’re having a good time, that you find them attractive, that you’re choosing to be there with them. Your participation communicates all of that without you having to say a word.

So move with him. Respond to what he’s doing. Initiate touches of your own. Pull him closer. Make eye contact. These little things make a massive difference in how connected you both feel. And connection? That’s what transforms okay int#rcourse into mind-blowing intimacy.

7. Make S#nsual Noise and Scream His Name If You Have To

Silence is awkward. Like, really awkward. If you’re not making any sound at all, he’s probably wondering if you’re even enjoying yourself or mentally making a grocery list.

You don’t need to sound like an adult film star (please don’t, actually, that’s just uncomfortable for everyone). But some genuine sounds of pleasure? Yes, please. Moans, gasps, heavy breathing, whatever comes naturally when something feels good. That feedback is incredibly valuable.

And saying his name? Oh man, that’s powerful. There’s something primal about hearing your own name in that context. It reminds him that you’re not just getting physical pleasure from generic stimulation. You’re experiencing this with him specifically, and that makes him feel desired in a way nothing else quite does.

If you’re naturally quiet, that’s okay. You don’t need to force anything that feels unnatural. But try letting go of some of that control. Stop monitoring every sound you make and just let yourself react authentically to what feels good. You might be surprised at what comes out.

FYI, this is one of those little things guys love in bed that makes a disproportionately huge impact. The effort-to-reward ratio is off the charts. A few genuine sounds from you, and suddenly he feels like the most skilled lover on the planet. Win-win.

8. Come Prepared, Come Clean

This one’s pretty straightforward but needs to be said: basic hygiene matters. A lot.

Nobody wants to get intimate with someone who clearly just finished a workout and didn’t shower. Nobody wants to deal with bad breath or other preventable unpleasantness. This isn’t about being perfect or looking like you just stepped out of a magazine. It’s about basic consideration for your partner.

Take a shower. Brush your teeth. Trim your nails (seriously, jagged nails in sensitive areas are not fun for anyone). These aren’t unreasonable expectations. They’re just part of respecting the person you’re about to be vulnerable with.

Coming prepared also means thinking ahead about practical stuff. Do you need l#be? Is there protection within reach if you need it? Are the kids definitely asleep or occupied? Nothing kills the mood faster than having to stop everything to go searching for supplies or worrying about interruptions.

This might sound unromantic, but spontaneity works a lot better when you’ve done a little preparation. It’s like jazz, you know? The best improvisation happens when you really know your instrument and have the basics down solid. Same principle applies here.

9. Be Adventurous

Doing the exact same thing in the exact same way every single time gets boring. I don’t care how good that one thing is, eventually the novelty wears off and you’re both just going through familiar motions.

Being adventurous doesn’t mean you need to suddenly get into extreme k#nks or do anything that makes you uncomfortable. It just means being open to trying new things, mixing up your routine, keeping an element of surprise and discovery in your intimate life.

Maybe it’s trying a different location in your house. Maybe it’s experimenting with different times of day. Maybe it’s introducing a new position or technique you’ve been curious about. Maybe it’s role-playing a scenario you both find exciting. The possibilities are endless.

The key is approaching it with curiosity and playfulness rather than pressure or expectations. Not everything you try will be amazing, and that’s okay. Sometimes you’ll try something and realize “yeah, that’s not for us,” and you’ll laugh about it and move on. That’s part of the adventure.

What guys find irresistible in bed is a partner who’s willing to explore with them, who sees intimacy as an ongoing journey rather than a destination you reached years ago. Keep discovering each other. Keep trying new things. Keep it interesting.

10. Be Willing to Communicate

This is the big one. The foundation everything else is built on. If you can’t talk about what’s happening in your intimate life, you’re basically flying blind and hoping for the best.

Communication doesn’t have to be some serious, sit-down conversation every time (though sometimes those are necessary and valuable). It can be as simple as “I really liked when you did that thing” or “could we try this instead?” or even just enthusiastic sounds and body language that guide him toward what works for you.

Here’s why this matters so much: your man can’t read your mind. I know, shocking, right? :/ What worked for your ex or what you read in some article might not be what works for you. And what worked last week might not be what you’re in the mood for today. He needs your input.

And it goes both ways. You need to create a space where he feels safe telling you what he wants too. That means not getting defensive or hurt when he suggests trying something different. It means asking questions and actually listening to the answers. It means treating your intimate life as something you’re building together, not something that just happens to you.

Some couples find it easier to have these conversations outside the bedroom, when there’s no pressure or performance anxiety. Others prefer real-time feedback during intimacy. Figure out what works for you both, but definitely figure it out. The couples who talk about this stuff? They’re the ones having the best time, guaranteed.

Communication also means being honest about your boundaries. If something doesn’t feel good or makes you uncomfortable, say so. A good partner will appreciate your honesty and respect your limits. And if he doesn’t? Then you’ve got bigger problems than bedroom technique.

Final Thoughts

Look, this list of things guys like in bed but won’t ask for is just the beginning. Every relationship is different, and what drives one guy wild might not work for another. The real magic happens when you pay attention to your specific partner, stay curious, and keep the lines of communication wide open.

What are you willing to do to make your man’s eyes roll back in the best way possible? What’s one thing from this list you could try tonight? IMO, even implementing just one or two of these ideas will create a noticeable shift in your intimate connection. Start small, stay consistent, and watch what happens. Your relationship (and your man) will thank you for it.