How To Be More Romantic In A Relationship

Look, let’s be real here, romance doesn’t just happen by magic. Trust me, I’ve learned this the hard way through my seven years of helping couples navigate their relationships.

You know that butterfly-in-your-stomach feeling you had when you first started dating? Yeah, that doesn’t maintain itself.

But here’s the thing that might surprise you: being romantic isn’t about becoming someone you’re not or spending your entire paycheck on fancy dinners. It’s about showing up consistently for your partner in ways that make them feel seen, valued, and loved.

Ever wonder why some couples still look at each other like they’re teenagers in love after decades together? It’s because they’ve mastered the art of everyday romance. And spoiler alert, you can too.

1. Understand His Demands And Shortcomings

Okay, this might sound a bit harsh at first, but stick with me. Your partner isn’t perfect (shocking, I know!), and neither are you. The romantic thing to do isn’t pretending those flaws don’t exist, it’s understanding where they come from.

Maybe he leaves dishes in the sink because he’s genuinely overwhelmed with work stress. Maybe he forgets to text you back because he’s dealing with family drama he hasn’t figured out how to share yet.

Here’s what I’ve learned from working with couples: when you approach your partner’s struggles with curiosity instead of criticism, everything changes.

Instead of “Why can’t you ever remember to do this?” try “I noticed you seem stressed lately, what’s going on?”

This doesn’t mean becoming a doormat. It means becoming his teammate instead of his opponent. And honestly? That’s incredibly romantic.

2. Give Gifts

Before you roll your eyes and think “great, another expensive suggestion,” hear me out. The most romantic gifts I’ve seen couples exchange cost less than five dollars.

The secret sauce isn’t the price tag, it’s the thought behind it.

Some of my favorite gift examples from couples I’ve worked with:

• A playlist titled “Songs that remind me of us”
• His favorite candy bar with a sticky note that says “You’re sweeter”
• A printed screenshot of a funny meme he sent you months ago
• Coffee from that place you went on your third date

The goal is showing him you think about him during random moments of your day. When he opens his laptop and finds a sweet note tucked inside, he knows you were thinking of him while he was at work.

FYI, the best gifts often answer the question: “What would make his day a little easier or brighter?”

3. Show Appreciation For Your Partner

This one hits different because most of us are walking around feeling unappreciated. Your partner does things for you every single day that you probably don’t even notice anymore.

Does he always make sure your phone is plugged in at night? Does he grab you coffee when he stops for himself? Does he listen to you vent about work drama for the hundredth time without complaining?

Stop taking these things for granted.

Try this: for one week, notice three things he does daily that you normally wouldn’t comment on. Then actually tell him you noticed. Watch how his face lights up when you say, “I love how you always warm up my car in the morning.”

The magic happens when appreciation becomes a habit, not just something you remember during arguments.

4. Be Spontaneous

Routine is comfortable, but it can also be the enemy of romance. I’m not talking about booking surprise trips to Paris (though if that’s your budget, go for it!). I’m talking about breaking your normal patterns in small, delightful ways.

Spontaneity doesn’t have to be huge, it just has to be unexpected.

Some spontaneous ideas that have worked wonders for couples I’ve coached:

• Declaring tonight “breakfast for dinner” night
• Pulling over during a drive to watch the sunset
• Starting a dance party in your kitchen while cooking
• Suggesting a midnight ice cream run
• Creating a fort in your living room for movie night

The point is interrupting your routine with something that says, “I choose fun with you.” It reminds both of you that your relationship is still an adventure.

5. Be Thoughtful

Thoughtfulness is romance in action. It’s noticing what matters to your partner and acting on those observations without being asked.

Maybe you know he’s been stressed about a big presentation, so you handle dinner and tell him to focus on prep. Maybe you notice he’s been complaining about running out of his favorite shampoo, so you pick some up during your grocery run.

The key is paying attention to the small stuff.

I had one client who started leaving encouraging notes in her partner’s work bag before big meetings. Another started recording voice messages for her partner to listen to during his commute. These aren’t grand gestures, they’re thoughtful responses to specific needs.

Being thoughtful means your partner feels known by you. And feeling truly known? That’s deeply romantic.

6. Write Your Partner A Love Poem

Hold up, before you panic about not being Shakespeare, let me explain. Your poem doesn’t need to rhyme, win awards, or even be particularly “good” by literary standards.

What matters is that it comes from your heart and is written specifically for him.

Here’s a simple formula that works:

• Line 1: Something you love about how he looks
• Line 2: Something you love about his personality
• Line 3: A specific memory that makes you smile
• Line 4: How he makes you feel

Don’t overthink it. Even writing “I love your laugh, especially when you think something is really funny and you can’t control it” on a Post-it note counts.

Leave it somewhere he’ll find it unexpectedly. Trust me, he’ll keep it longer than you think.

7. Celebrate Even Small Wins

Life isn’t just about promotions and birthdays. Your partner achieves small victories every day that deserve recognition.

Did he finally fix that squeaky cabinet? Did he stick to his workout plan for a full week? Did he handle a difficult conversation with grace? These moments matter.

Celebrating small wins shows your partner you’re paying attention to their growth.

This doesn’t mean throwing a party every time he takes out the trash. It means acknowledging effort and progress.

A simple “I’m proud of how you handled that situation” or “I noticed you’ve been really consistent with your goals lately” goes a long way.

When you celebrate the small stuff, your partner feels seen and supported in their daily life, not just during major milestones.

8. Express Your Feelings

I know, I know, this seems obvious. But you’d be surprised how many couples assume their partner “just knows” how they feel.

Your partner can’t read your mind, no matter how long you’ve been together.

Make it a habit to verbalize what you’re feeling and why. Not just “I love you” (though that’s important too), but specific appreciation:

• “I love how patient you are with me when I’m stressed”
• “I feel so safe when you hold me”
• “You make me laugh even on my worst days”

IMO, the best time to express feelings is during ordinary moments, not just during fights or makeup sessions. It reinforces your connection when things are good, which makes you stronger when things get tough.

9. Prioritize Your Partner

Here’s some tough love: your phone, your friends, and your work will steal as much time as you let them. Your relationship needs you to be intentional about making it a priority.

This doesn’t mean ignoring everything else in your life. It means creating sacred time that belongs to your relationship.

Some ways to prioritize your partner:

• Phone-free dinners where you actually talk to each other
• Weekly date nights (even if it’s just a walk around the block)
• Morning coffee together before the day gets crazy
• Bedtime conversations that go deeper than “how was your day?”

When your partner feels prioritized, they feel valued. When they feel valued, they feel loved. It’s that simple.

10. Do Some Adventure

Adventure doesn’t have to mean bungee jumping or traveling to exotic locations (though if that’s your thing, go for it!). It means trying new things together and creating shared experiences outside your comfort zone.

The goal is novelty, doing something different that you experience together.

Adventures can be:

• Trying a cooking class
• Exploring a hiking trail you’ve never been on
• Visiting a museum or exhibit
• Learning a new skill together
• Taking a different route home and seeing where it leads

The bonding happens when you navigate something new together. You create inside jokes, overcome mini-challenges, and make memories that are uniquely yours.

Plus, research shows that couples who try new activities together report higher relationship satisfaction. Science backs this up!

11. Ignite Your Bedroom

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room, physical intimacy often becomes routine or gets pushed to the back burner when life gets busy. But maintaining that spark is crucial for a romantic relationship.

Igniting your bedroom isn’t just about frequency, it’s about intention and connection.

This might mean:

• Having honest conversations about what you both want and need
• Creating ambiance with candles, music, or new sheets
• Scheduling intimate time (yes, scheduling can be romantic!)
• Trying something new together
• Focusing on emotional intimacy that enhances physical connection

Remember, good intimacy starts way before you get to the bedroom. It starts with how you treat each other throughout the day.

12. Pamper Your Partner In Public

There’s something incredibly romantic about being claimed by your partner in public, not in a possessive way, but in a proud way.

When you speak well of your partner in front of others, you’re telling the world (and him) that you choose him every day.

This looks like:

• Bragging about his accomplishments to your friends
• Thanking him in front of family for something thoughtful he did
• Posting about him on social media (if that’s your thing)
• Defending him when others complain about their partners
• Including him in conversations instead of talking around him

Public appreciation reinforces your private appreciation. It makes your partner feel valued not just by you, but as part of your wider life.

13. Learn Your Partner’s Love Language

If you haven’t read about love languages yet, stop what you’re doing and look them up. Seriously, this concept has saved more relationships than I can count.

The five love languages are:

• Words of affirmation
• Acts of service
• Receiving gifts
• Quality time
• Physical touch

Here’s the thing: you might feel loved when someone does the dishes for you, but your partner might feel most loved when you sit and really listen to them talk about their day.

Once you figure out your partner’s primary love language, focus your romantic efforts there. If he’s a quality time person, planning elaborate surprises won’t hit the same way as putting down your phone and giving him your full attention.

14. Kiss Him Good Morning And Goodnight

This seems almost too simple to include, but I’m constantly surprised by how many couples skip this daily ritual.

A good morning kiss and good night kiss bookend your day together. They’re small moments of connection that say “hello, I love you” and “goodbye, I love you” even when you’re rushing around or exhausted.

These kisses serve as daily reminders that you choose each other.

Make them intentional, not just pecks while you’re running out the door, but actual moments where you pause and connect. Even when you’re annoyed with each other or having a tough day, these small gestures maintain your physical and emotional bond.

15. Give A Massage

Physical touch is incredibly bonding, and giving your partner a massage is a beautiful way to show care while creating intimacy.

You don’t need to be a professional masseuse. Even rubbing his shoulders while he’s stressed or massaging his feet after a long day shows that you want to help him feel better.

The key is making it about his comfort and relaxation, not just a prelude to something else.

Create the right environment, dim lights, maybe some relaxing music, and focus on being present with him. This type of caring touch releases oxytocin (the bonding hormone) and helps you both feel more connected.

16. Shower Together

Okay, I can practically hear some of you giggling, but hear me out. Showering together isn’t just about being naked in the same space (though that intimacy is lovely too).

It’s about being vulnerable and caring for each other in a very basic, human way. Washing each other’s hair, talking about your day while the warm water relaxes you both, or just enjoying being close without distractions.

This is intimacy in its purest form, just being together without the outside world interfering.

It’s also incredibly practical for busy couples who struggle to find time to connect. You’re both going to shower anyway, why not do it together sometimes?

17. Forgive Past Misdeeds

This last one might be the most important for long-term romance. Every relationship has hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and moments you both wish you could handle differently.

Holding onto past hurts is like trying to drive forward while looking in the rearview mirror.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending bad things didn’t happen or that you shouldn’t have boundaries. It means processing the hurt, learning from it, and then consciously choosing to move forward together.

Some relationships get stuck in cycles of bringing up old fights during new disagreements. This kills romance faster than almost anything else.

True forgiveness frees both of you to create a better future together. It allows you to see your partner as they are today, not as the person who hurt you six months ago.

Final Thoughts

Here’s what I’ve learned after years of helping couples reconnect: romance isn’t something that happens to you, it’s something you create together through daily choices.

You choose to notice the good things your partner does. You choose to prioritize your relationship even when life gets crazy. You choose to be thoughtful, spontaneous, and appreciative even when you don’t feel like it.

Start with one or two of these suggestions and practice them until they become natural. Then add more as you get comfortable. Romance is a skill you develop, not a talent you’re born with.